Let your body sink into me, like your favorite memory

life

2009-03-23T02:53:13Z

is weird. i've been thinking about it a lot.
that &death.
i dunno man.
i miss maura.
&thinking that i'll never see her ever again is really shitty.
blah blah blah.

ew

2009-02-05T05:05:41Z

i had a dream that i was spending time with joseph f weiss & i woke up in a panic & all sorts of furious because, per usual, he was trying to ruin my life. but at least in my dream he took it to a new venue. that being australia. but seriously. leave me alone.

i'm

2009-01-15T03:56:40Z

chuuuuuuurstyyyyyyy

2009

2009-01-07T06:51:16Z

hello.

it is 2009.

this marks the NINTH year of this journal's existence. holy. shit.

i love brendan john coughlin & that's what's up. zee end.

thank you for making me see there's a life in me, it was dying to get out.

2008-12-22T07:02:34Z

the boy in my life honestly makes me more happy than i thought i could be. we get into spats a lot, but they are usually quickly resolved & lead to progress. he gives me a feeling of home that i haven't had in a long, long time. this is the third night i haven't got to sleep in his arms in a row, which is the longest we've gone since we started spending time together. &i gotta say. it sucks. but i got to go to his family christmas party yesterday & it was really fabulous meeting his family & spending time with him. &we got to cuddle on a twin bed for a little while before we fell asleep. we're going back to boston tomorrow & i can't wait to get to sleep next to him. yes this is cheesy. oh well. i feel cheesy. i put together a little christmas package for him. nothing big. but it made me feel so good writing out a card & puttin all the cute little things i got him into a cute little bag. because he deserves many many great things. more great things than i can give him, but at the same time i am confident in saying that i am giving him all of me & i think that's the best thing i can give. i love him.

some beautiful bullshit i pretend to belong to

2008-12-14T21:48:00Z

i hate when someone does something really shitty, (or continually does really shitty things?) & you call them out on it... &then somehow YOU end up feeling like the shitty person? right? how does that make sense? it's happened two nights in a row now. but in all sincerity i haven't done anything wrong. except care way too much. maybe that's an issue.

my boyfriend

2008-11-16T01:01:53Z

thinks it's really funny to play mean tricks on me & give me anxiety attacks.

good stuff, right?

blah blah blah

2008-11-11T21:40:25Z

i will shake this nonsense. i will shake this nonsense. i will shake this nonsense. keep repeating it.

happy

2008-10-29T00:17:15Z

is the word. i enjoy it. blah blah blah.

big hearts - big hearts, big hearts are for breaking.

2008-10-23T18:36:10Z

i don't NEED anyone but myself.

haaaaaapppppy

2008-10-21T06:26:02Z

birffffday, fred. i love you. wish you were here. i'll raise my glass to yewwwwwwwwww.

waking up to the green of your eyes is something I'll get used to.

2008-10-15T13:26:51Z

I'm just so ridiculously stoked. I met someone whose company I completely enjoy. There are comparisons that could be drawn, but that's irrelevent. Just. Ah. The freckles. And the eyes. It's adorable. And whenever I wake up next to him I just start smiling. It's a weird feeling. But nice. He just kind of gets me. Most of the time. And he cracks me up. I dunno. I'm happy. On the straight and narrow, too. Whew.

lalala

2008-10-09T14:43:56Z

almost out of the woods. Now there's just the matter of the people who think they know everything about me, but, as it goes. Don't know a goddamn thing.

by midnight

2008-10-08T20:24:58Z

I am giving this until midnight to be resolved, and at that point I'm giving up. It's been four days of yesnoyesnononoyesno. &it's growing emotionally taxing. I guess I don't help myself by listening to the playlist I made for him over and over. I'd like a happy resolution but I'll take the shitty one if I have to. I don't care for wondering. This sucks.

&If it feels like your heart's dried up, I can relate to that.

2008-10-04T14:57:53Z

I have determined that I am incapable of normal, healthy, functional relationships with males. It's kind of ridiculous. There is a plethora of reasons, not the least of which being that I am a complete hypocrite. And I project. And create epic and ridiculous scenerios in my head. If someone really likes me, I find something wrong with them 99% of the time. I do things to push people away. And on the off-chance that the feeling is reciprocated on my end, I find ways to prove to myself that that person doesn't like me as much as I like them. And I become hypercritical and find examples of this. It's so childish. But that's just who I've become.

I have

2008-09-29T03:59:29Z

Been really happy lately.

Daniel Andriano always knows how to say what I'm thinking

2008-09-25T21:50:03Z

"My heart is ticking like a box, sent to me by annonymous. And now I'm scared to open it. I'm always blowin up to bits. I'm always running out of lines. Always running out of time."

alkalinerinnie @ 2008-09-23T12:00:00

2008-09-23T16:01:04Z

hey. I'm stoked!

is it possible for the world to look this way forever?

2008-09-22T17:12:29Z

I went on a date with a younger boy last night. That is the first time I have ever ever done that. But it was really nice and we accidentally funded a cult and walked through a park and I was nervous. It was nice to actually be excited to be around someone in that sense. I dunno. It was nice and he was nice. It feels good to be told I' beautiful. That is all, I suppose. Laugh it up john.

my friends always warned about living clichés

2008-09-15T19:12:49Z

I may or may not be totally enamoured with someone who hasn't even texted me back in probably a month. Ugh. I just want him to be here, not 3,000 miles away. Fuck.

trying

2008-09-09T17:25:23Z

to get onto the Jeopardy college championship.

Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaseeeeee that would be too amazing.

turns out

2008-09-08T16:32:56Z

paul was a douche. well, is a douche. he has no appreciation for anything, & that's okay.

i'm bummed butttttttt i feel more sorry for him.

that is no way to live your life.

whadevssssssssssssssss.

In other highly hilarious news...

2008-08-04T15:00:14Z

&&&He isn't going to blow me off tonight. In fact, he says he's "siked." I know. I will give him a spelling lesson.

I could be another fool, or an exception to the rule

2008-08-04T12:52:02Z

I am starting to feel pretty fucking foolish. I’d like to say that this is the last chance I’m going to give him… but at the same time… should I really be counting chances? He doesn’t really OWE me anything. But at the same time… common courtesy. Don’t act like you’re bad at texting back when your phone might as well be glued to your damn hands. If you don’t wanna hang out… just tell me. Don’t make up an excuses. And DEFINITELY don’t ignore me. I’m a planner. When I’m gonna be hanging out with someone 60 miles from my house I’d like to KNOW. If he doesn’t like me… shitty. But whadever. Just don’t play games. But it’s not like he’s my boyfriend. He doesn’t have to talk to me every day or try to hang out with me all the time. But… at least make it seem like you MIGHT like to see me once? I can’t believe I’m going after another brick wall. If he doesn’t hang out with me today then I’m quitting. &If he does… I’m going to give him a piece of my mind. Probably not even at all. But I’m gonna try.

alkalinerinnie @ 2008-07-30T17:07:00

2008-07-30T21:07:53Z

It's fine with me if the reason that you didn't call is that you're dead.